More Red Flags

I had a good time teaching the class about red flags in relationships. Because the girls were all 16-18 I just focused on red flags in dating, but something came up in the discussion and I wanted to add a couple more for people thinking about getting married. They concern addictions and money. The comment was made that it is important to ask the hard questions and the person saying it was talking about pornography. But there are a several addictions that a potential spouse should be aware of. So a hard question that needs to be asked is: "Do you or have you in the past had an addiction or a problem with pornography, drinking, drugs (prescription or street drugs), gambling, eating disorders or any other major thing along those lines?" If the answer is yes, that doesn't mean they are not able to be a good spouse, but it is something to seriously consider. Once someone has had an addiction, it is always a potential problem. The saying, "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic" means something. Even if the person never takes another drink, they know that if any time they do starting drinking again, it could quickly progress to a major problem again. Also, if a person has the tendency to be an addict, it could just as easily be a new addiction that crops up. AA meetings are full of smokers who just changed a problem addiction (drinking) to a different addiction (smoking) that doesn't have such immediate costs. Repentance is real and people can change their lives, and some people overcome addictions and never go back or begin new ones. But it is a decision that should not be made lightly.

The other hard question for someone getting married that needs to be asked involves money. "Do you owe any money, and if so, how much?" Kelsie was telling me about a couple about to get married and a week before the wedding the bride told the groom that she was $10,000 in debt and the groom called off the wedding. Smart man! Not only does he now know that his bride-to-be is not a good money manager, she is also deceitful. It is a good thing he found out before the wedding not after. This is another thing that takes some careful consideration. Not everyone that is in debt is a sleeze, but ask the hard questions. Why? How much? Are you willing to be liable for that amount? Education, mortgages, medical bills, etc are legitimate expenses in a lot of circumstances. But no one should go into a marriage (or be in a serious relationship) without being completely honest about their financial situation. There are enough problems that come up in any marriage that there is no need to rush into a marriage that has major problems before you even start. Ask the questions and make informed decisions.